Alone with my thoughts; venting
It’s weird,.
I’m never afriad of having any friends,. At all. I know it sounds a little childish;; But it’s true. And its odd becuase I’m afriad to be alone. Afraid that one day nobody will seem to care. Give up on me. Forget who I am or that I even exsist. Afraid that one day I’ll die and nobody will even noticed that I passed to another life. That I will die unloved or even worse;; never knowing what love is like… What it feels or grasps.
And I haven’t been the same. Like I have changed. But never know how;; I can’t learn how to explain myself… Like I’m trapped in myself. I keep things to myself; I don’t smile as much; I barley eat; I can’t sleep; I have horrible nightmares; I can barley even keep track on reality. People say I’m worthless… Saying I never belong, that I can never be accepted.
Crying doesn’t help me anymore. Talking;; it’s a waste of my breath;; explaining will get me nowhere.. And there ain’t anything I can do about it. I can’t trust hardly anyone. I mean whenever I do it somehow gets everywhere.
As I cry while I write this out to you… It’s sad that I never know what is wrong with me.
I don’t want to like anyone. Nor do I… But it pains me to think that I’m fat; ugly; and useless. Everyone thinks that. All of my friends are WAY more attractive then me. I mean… Everyone looks me az the bestfriend with all the answers.! But it gets me Nowhere. They all say thanks! Your such a great friend! I don’t know what I would do without you! But in all reality;; Its like having someone use you and leave you in the cold rain.
Now you know what’s on my mind.
